An Open Letter to Myself, between the Hours of 12 and 7 AM, on Jan. 2, 2007

Hey! How were you doing? I couldn’t help but notice that “Centerfold” by the J. Geils Band was in our Purchased Music playlist today. It wasn’t there yesterday, as far as I can tell, so I think I’ve addressed this correctly.

Anyway, I understand that we kind of like this song. It’s got a catchy chorus, to be sure; I can easily imagine us singing this song on the highway, as loudly as possible. We would also sing that synth part–I’m fairly sure it’s a synth part–at the beginning. And the “na na nas”–inspired.

At the same time, I’m worried it lacks the staying power or the relatability we usually strive for in a purchased song. It fails to shine a light on the human condition, or make us feel good about some tramp, like “Song for the Dumped” did, or even to impress people browsing our shared music. We’ve had lots of crushes, sure, on lots of homegrown homeroom angels, but few of them were Playboy material, and fewer still have that sort of inclination. I mean, we went to a Christian school; most of them are already married, with several kids. We would be homewreckers.

And let’s be honest–we can barely ask them out now. Imagine if one of them were a famous model! Would we really ask them to take off their clothes in a motel room? Talk to the me that was terrified about positioning his right arm during our prom photo, if you have any questions about that.

I’m sorry for singling you out. Looking at earlier purchased songs–the second single off that Superdrag album, the All-American Rejects video where the guy’s face keeps changing, that Nickelback song that they played at the Cardinals game when Jim Edmonds was up to bat–well, it’s apparent that mistakes have been made. And they’ll be made again. I just hope that, in the future, you keep our talks in mind. It’s hard being me after midnight, when the inhibitions disappear and one-touch purchasing is on, but I know you’ve got the ability! Keep at it.

Warm regards,
Dan Moore, during the afternoon of January 3, 2007

P.S. There is a plate with something on it at the foot of the bed, is this ours? Please write back ASAP.

Some obvious problems on a second read, but I liked it. And it took about a half an hour, editing and all, so not a big time outlay.