Fawning Emilio Estevez biopic, unfortunately, sold separately.

If, for some reason, I’m your first stop today: Several low-to-mid-range signings for the Cardinals.

• 2B Adam Kennedy, three years, $10 million. Hey, it’s the David Eckstein deal. Almost exactly the David Eckstein deal. Like Eckstein, Kennedy is a middle infielder from Anaheim coming off of an off season both offensively and defensively whom the Cardinals signed to a reasonable deal, in lieu of several much more expensive options.

  He actually comes into this deal better than Eckstein did. He can get on base; from 2002-2005 his lowest OBP was .344. (Eckstein had had .325 and .339 seasons.) He’s also less punchless than Eckstein, with a career isolated power of .108. Prior to this season, Kennedy was consistently among the two or three best defensive second basemen in the league, but much has been made of his status as a liability last year. That said, Torii Hunter sucked, too, and even Scott Rolen had an out-of-character year in 2003. It’s difficult to make a judgment on a great defensive player based on one season; it’s possible that he lost all his range at once, but I wouldn’t count on it. He had knee problems that hindered him on defense, and BABIP issues (it declined despite his heightened line drive rate) that hindered him on offense; I would be stunned if he didn’t improve significantly at both ends in 2007.

  Great deal; the Cardinals needed to make sure they wouldn’t come into the 2007 season like they did in 2006, with two backup infielders splitting time there. This is also a rare recent example of the vaunted Best Fans in Baseball discount working; he said he turned down money to come back to St. Louis, and it’s rumored that there were contracts in the four year, $18 million range on the table.

• Kip Wells, one year, $4 million. More money than I hoped; I figured a guy who was as terrible as he was would end up with a Ponson-esque contract. He’s better than Heavy P, at least; Wells was, similarly, a momentary ace on a bad team, but his numbers were much better. He had a higher strikeout rate and better control at his best, while Ponson mainly just traded on an abnormally low home run rate over his two good years.

  It’s a good chance to take, much better than trying to sign two of the mid-range Lilly/Meche types. With Blake Hawksworth and Chris Narveson pretty close to the majors, the Cardinals can afford to have a quick hook on their fifth starter, so an injury-prone guy with a possibility, however slim, of having a big year is the perfect risk. It’s also been mentioned that this leaves the Cardinals with money to sign a big free agent pitcher, if they want; they’re positioned about as well as they can be to make a run at Jason Schmidt or Barry Zito.

• Eli Marrero, minor league deal. Seriously? Just a minor league deal? Marrero can play all three outfield positions and can put together a .270/.320/.400 season with a juicy, useable platoon split; that alone qualifies him to be a passable fourth outfielder. But he can also catch; I know he doesn’t enjoy doing it, but minor league signees can’t really afford to be choosers, can they? No risk, all reward; it’s Scott Spiezio all over again.
• Gary Bennett, Gary Bennett-sized deal. I’d have felt just as good about going into the season with Marrero as the backup catcher, because it means they would finally have one who can hit. But Bennett’s momentary clutch-God status with a Series winner means he has a free season. So I’ll have to forego my yearly “you’re wasting a lot of easy runs!” post and bite my tongue.

Welcome, new Cardinals. Enjoy the random curtain calls.