Memphis: You think Carlos Lee is frustrating; Memphis lost their eighth straight yesterday… out of eight. Starter Randy Leek, a 29-year-old lefty who won 15 games in AA last year, gave up just one run in seven innings, but the Redbirds were just as futile against Nats affiliates New Orleans. Reds ex-prospect Brandon Larson turned in the game-winning single against Franklin Perez. Junior Spivey went 0-2 with two walks, and John Gall continued his thrashing of AAA by going 2-4. (He’s now up to .389/.410/.528.)

In Springfield, it’s not time to freak out about Chris Lambert just yet, but… well, vaguely concerned should be good enough. The 2004 first rounder dominated his two stops in the low minors, putting up ERAs of 2.58 and 2.63 in 19 starts. But in his first trip to AA Springfield last year–18 starts worth–he scuffled. His strikeout rate fell only slightly from his Palm Beach stint, to 7.31 per 9, but his walk rate (to 5.08) and home run rate (1.06) almost doubled. Nevertheless, he was expected to adapt, given a second stint there.

So far, he’s been even worse, striking out six and walking eight in his two starts. I’m guessing that he’s worried about the bigger hitters in AA crushing fastballs he could throw by guys in the low minors, and given his home run rate’s jump I’m not sure he isn’t right. Just something to watch, but as it stands now, the 2004 draft looks a little tepid. Past Lambert there’s not a lot to look at, and probably zero potential stars.

But not all’s bad news in AA; Nic Stavinoha, the college hitter from last year’s draft who tore Quad Cities apart in his debut but was old for the low minors, seems to be too much for AA as well. He’s up to .379/.406/.552 in his first seven games. Cody Haerther’s bat finally started up, too–he brought his average up to .214 by going 3-5 with a double and a home run. And if you’re that worried about Izzy, Mark “Nope, Not Related” Worrell continues to nail down games. Another 2004 draft pick, Worrell’s been the closer at every minor league stop he’s been at, and his strikeout rate staying high at AA is a good sign; he’s K’d five batters in his first four innings there, and allowed one run.

Palm Beach was the sign of what could be an absolutely huge game for the minor league system. Blake Hawksworth, top prospect in the system prior to the acquisition of Adam Wainwright, has been injured pretty much constantly ever since, and his comeback at the end of 2005 proved awful; he showed no control and little stuff in short season New Jersey. His first start in Palm Beach this year wasn’t that impressive, either, but he’s finally put up a good game. He went five scoreless yesterday, striking out five and walking two. If he can get into the high minors this year, he could reestablish himself pretty quickly in a system as thin as this one. Palm Beach’s hitters put up seven runs to seal the deal. Mike Ferris went 2-4, bringing his line up to .367/.444/.700. What the heck? He hasn’t gotten off to a good start, or even a decent one, since getting drafted by the Cards, so pretty much nothing is expected of him at this point–but if he continues to hit it’ll be a nice shock after his awful beginnings. Tyler Greene, on the other hand, went 0-4 with four strikeouts.

Finally, in Quad Cities, Colby Rasmus came alive! Our Top Non-Reyes Prospect™, who started the year 2-30, went 4-6 with two doubles and, for good measure, stole a base. Another 2005 pick, 3B Randy Roth, popped two home runs and drove in five. And maybe the second most promising player out of the draft, C Bryan Anderson, went 2-5 with a double. It wasn’t all good news on the 2005 draft front, though; Mark McCormick struck out seven but walked four in his 4 1/3 innings.

Coming Attractions is coming soon–I’ve still got some work to do, but I’ve finally got time to do it. Meanwhile, I’m definitely going to find a way to automate some of it in time for next year.

A famous review of Joseph Heller’s post-Catch-22 novel, Something Happened, and also an accurate summation of the last few days this offseason.

Matt Leach is so strapped for material that he’s gotten to Mark Worrell on the Winter League Success Story list. To be a closer named Worrell in the Cardinals system–even one that’s not related to The Worrells–is astounding luck, for one thing. To be one that leads off the old pro career by striking out 35 Appy Leaguers in 22 innings–well, that’s just not fair.

If your Suspect Alarm hasn’t gone off yet–well, give it time. I’m guessing a few of the recent Cardinals Closer Prospects’ names have bounced around in your head–Scotty Layfield, Jimmy Journell, Gene Stechschulte–and if you did your homework you’d also be worried to see that, at 21, he was a little old to be blowing fastballs by 19-year-olds.

However, compared to the last two pure closer prospects–Stech and Layfield–he was young. Late bloomers, these “closers”; while Worrell dominated the hi-A FSL at the age of 22, Stech had his first big year as a 24-year-old in low-A Peoria. At Worrell’s age, he was toiling in short-season New Jersey, where he put up a solid ERA but showed off weak peripherals. Layfield, meanwhile, put up even weaker peripherals as a 22-year-old in short-season.

So, sure, we’ve discovered how most of these “closer prospects” appear on the lists: dominate a low-level league at an advanced age, and then do adequately at AA or AAA in time for a short big league tenure. Obviously, Worrell bucks this trend; he was pretty much the right age for the FSL, and while his strikeout rate fell from 13-ish to 8.5, he still put up great numbers. But being better than Layfield and Stechschulte doesn’t qualify you as a Closer-in-the-Making, just as a guy Cardinals fans won’t be booing three years from now. If Worrell keeps his strikeouts and doesn’t develop an affinity for the gopher ball in the high minors, I anticipate answering a lot of “Are they related?” questions in the next two years.

Speaking of relievers, the Dodgers acquired two All-Star closers recently. Unfortunately for Dodgers fans, they were Lance Carter and Danys Baez. Has there ever been a more anonymous all-star than Lance Carter? It depends on whether you give (former Cardinal) Scott Cooper credit for hoodwinking his way in twice, I think. In any case, he’s a bulk reliever who, at 28, after numerous problems with injury and ineffectiveness, got to wear the Closer button for a year and record 26 career-extending saves. Hey, if you’re going to get a bulk reliever, you might as well get one the fans will trust inordinately. The other closer, Danys Baez… well, I’m just glad those Cardinals rumors were only rumors. His peripherals have declined three consecutive years, and they weren’t stunning to begin with.

The price the Dodgers paid was–wait for it–one-time wünderkind Edwin Jackson. Anybody else remember watching his teenage MLB debut, in which he famously outdueled Randy Johnson, and thinking: “Finally, the next great pitcher!”? Yeah, about that… he was given a rotation spot, he scuffled in the majors, he scuffled in the minors, and now the Dodgers are done with him. I think the Rays are the best place for him, really; he’s still only going to be 22 next year, and if he has a good spring all of a sudden the D-Rays will have Scott Kazmir and Edwin Jackson in the same rotation. Not bad, for drafting neither. The Dodgers also gave up Chuck Tiffany, which throws this deal from “An Understandable Risk for the Dodgers” to “What the heck!?” Tiffany had some problems with the longball, but who the heck gives up on a guy who struck out 11 batters per 9 innings in hi-A ball as a 20-year-old Southpaw?

Man, it must be cool to have prospects to just throw around like that. Meanwhile, we talk about minor league closers: the Haves and the Had-Jim-Journells, illustrated.