From the comments:

Okay, this is just something that will make your day, Dan Up. Go check Chris Lambert’s stats over at the Tigers site. Just go do it. Then bang your head on the floor.

Seven scoreless innings. Now, I’m not one to worry about small sample sizes, so I’m going to just be the bigger man here and let our failed first rounder go about his pitching. Just–just keep doing what you’re doing, big guy.

Anyway, nice feature on Reyes today in the P-D, right? Missing that last bat instead of the three-fouls-and-a-flyball finish is what separates Reyes from Jason Marquis, so here’s hoping his changeup sharpens back up and his curveball appears. Until then, the Cardinals have exactly two

Dismissing me as a prospect only makes me stronger, Danup…

Well, crap. Again?

Your ISP’s anti-virus software is dated, Danup. I’m no ILOVEYOU virus, to say the least.

Look, Chris, I get it–I berated you throughout your whole tenure as a Cardinal and I celebrated a little too loudly when you left, so you’re going to haunt my blog from beyond the grave until you finally exact your due vengeance. I read the Mission Statement.

Oh. Wow. This is really awkward.

What?

I mean I’ve kind of moved on from haunting you, for the moment. Don’t get me wrong, it was a nice scene but nobody really goes here anymore. I was–wow, there’s no way of saying this without coming off like a real d-bag. I was wondering if you could tell me where the Cardinals’ official website is? I’m trying to haunt their rotation page.

I–I guess that makes sense.

Yeah. I mean, I figure I’m no worse than all the other garbage they’re trotting out for the back of the rotation, so why not?

Oh, you’re worse. But anyway, it’s–if you’ll just look at the blogroll on your right–no, sorry, that’s my right–you should be able to find it. It’s the one that takes forever to load.

Alright, thanks. So, you guys gonna sign Kyle Lohse? That’d kind of put a damper on my haunting.

Bernie made a pretty good case, but I’m not holding my breath–the Cardinals seem happier to just let their bullpen take the punishment of a lifetime, even though they’re still pretending to contend.

I, for one, think the Cardinals should sign him to a two year deal. Year one he protects the youngsters who aren’t ready and the relievers who aren’t ready to absorb a hundred innings a piece; year two he’s insurance against one or all of the Cardinals’ rehabbing starters collapsing, and if all breaks right and the Cardinals have a shot at contention in 2009 he makes an excellent fifth starter. Pitching isn’t going to get any cheaper, in the interim.

Interesting. I, for one, think they should trade Colby Rasmus for Sid Ponson and five NRIs to be named later. Then they should count on Todd Wellemeyer as a number three starter!

What?

Remember? I’m an evil ghost, hell-bent on destroying you. It was in the second mission statement!

The second mission statement!? You bastard.

Yesterday…

Chris Lambert is now some other bloggers’ problem, and what a problem he’s been.

Mid-2005 was the last time he was the fast-moving collegian the Cardinals selected on the basis of his touches-97 fastball. He touched 91 in the Futures Game that year, and since then Lambert International has mainly been concerned with loading people up via the walk and then sending them airborne on one of the 35 home runs he’s given up in the last two years.

But now he’s gone, and we can focus on the young pitching that has turned out for the Cardinals, Adam Wainwright and Anthony–

Not so fast!

… what!? Anyway, Wainwright and Reyes

Ten strikeouts. Two walks. One hit.

I don’t–I’m not sure what’s going on, exactly, but I’ll be sure to

You know you’re a little worried, now, Dan.

Look, Wainwright’s obviously stepped into the ace role, and Reyes has struggled but

I struck out ten batters in six innings in my first start for the Mud Hens.

I don’t–I refuse to believe it!

You know you’ve been worried about this, Dan. Secretly. Maybe it was just a crisis of confidence!

No! You’re done, Chris Lambert! You’ve yet to pitch well against high minors competition. We could’ve had Phil Hughes! Look, it’s… it’s over now. I just watched that crappy Death Wish remake with Kevin Bacon, vigilante justice is justified if you drive a late-model Ford and look pained enough about it. Done and done!

You may have won this round, Dan Upbaby. But I’ll be back, back where you least expect it. When you least expect me.

Today

Wow–so maybe Kip Wells isn’t the answer. Who knew? I have no idea how Kip managed to allow six runs without walking a single batter, but he did it. And–

Wait, Mike Maroth? Mike Maroth?

Is there any rational justification for this move? No, there is no rational justification for this move. Reyes was awful in his last start, and he’s been mediocre at best this year, but Mike Maroth is so done the fork in his back has another, smaller fork sticking out of its back. Here’s what he’s done since 2006, and what Colossal Disappointment Anthony Reyes has done this year:

        GS     IP  K/9  BB/9  HR/9   FIP   ERA
Maroth  28  163.2  3.8   3.4  1.98  6.35  5.94
Reyes   19  100.2  6.3   3.2  1.16  4.54  5.63

That’s 36 home runs over his last 163 innings, if you’re keeping track. It wasn’t a bad move at all bringing Maroth in, and it won’t be a bad move when some team gives him an NRI and a shot to eke out a little more southpaw voodoo next year. But putting him in the rotation because you’re disappointed with a guy who’s got some potential and is already performing much better? Bad move. Inexplicable move.

Ha, ha.

You… you bastard! Anthony Reyes has nothing to do with this!

We Suckubi take no prisoners.

Tomorrow…

So does this guy ever update on time? Possessing this site is boring.

It’s not Chris Lambert’s fault that current Yankees Christ Figure Phil Hughes was chosen four picks after the Cardinals opened up their 2004 draft. It isn’t his fault, either, that Mike Ferris was their second rounder. But it says something about the tenor of the Cardinals’ 2004 amateur draft that, after noticing he had allowed one run in 4.2 innings–bringing his ERA up to 0.84–I thought: “Why does he have to keep sucking like this?”

Formulated, apparently, after Walt Jocketty read the first fifty pages of Moneyball, 2004 saw the Cardinals focusing harder on college talent than anybody this side of the Girls Gone Wild production team. Not a single high schooler was picked in the first forty rounds, and none of the preps selected in the “favor for the relatives/Mike Piazza” portion of the draft signed.

Chris Lambert was picked first, a collegiate pitcher fresh out of his freshman year at Boston College. There’s something to be said for chosing college pitchers–you get them further from prime injury territory, and theoretically they should have a lot of mechanical problems worked out before they become your problems. But Lambert, who was blessed at the time with a fastball that “touched 97″ (draft-speak for low 90s) and little else, was invariably described as raw.

The thing about avoiding high school pitchers, as Michael Lewis so aptly championed with the Athletics’ trade of Jeremy Bonderman, is that it doesn’t really work if you draft a guy with all the same problems as a high school pitcher. When you’ve got awful command–Lambert walked four and a half batters per nine innings in college–time away from prime injury territory becomes a short development window. And while he may not have blown out his arm yet, his stuff has “deteriorated”, according to Derrick Goold in this year’s Baseball America rankings. 24, now, he’s been pushed into Memphis despite having walked walked five guys and allowed more than a homer per nine innings during a season and a half in AA. Lambert enters 2007 with a live strikeout rate and a good fastball, but little else–I have to figure that, unless he continues to post an ERA under 0.90, his future is in the bullpen.

Phil Hughes has struggled a bit in his first two AAA starts, if it’s any consolation.

Next up came Mike Ferris, a mashing first baseman. Rather, a mashing first baseman in college. He was supposed to be all polish and readiness, but he managed a .590 OPS in his short-season debut, then hit .230/.334/.399 in the Midwest League the next year. His prospect status on the line, he began 2006 hitting like he was supposed to all along–he posted a .945 OPS in April. Then a .483 OPS in May. He made similar noises in Spring Training this year, but as a 24-year-old first baseman in high A he can’t even look forward to a string of minor league all-star appearances in his future, at this point.

Ferris was pick number sixty. The Astros’ number one prospect, Hunter Pence, went sixty-fourth. One pick later, the Red Sox drafted Dustin Pedroia, the Platonic Ideal of the scrappy, hustling, four foot tall infielders the Cardinals currently employ.

Next up came Eric Haberer, one of the better fringe arms on the farm.

I have a handy device to remember the next nine names on the list. See, what I do is forget their names, because none of them are going to reach the major leagues.

After that group comes Mark Worrell, in his frustrating glory, and eight irrelevant picks later comes Mike Sillman. And that’s all she wrote. One of the many bones I have to pick with the 2004 draft: this was originally going to be a much longer piece, but there’s nothing to write about!

After the similarly disastrous 2002 draft (which had a pretty good excuse–the Cardinals had all of one pick in the first five rounds, even though they did spend it on a 5′9″ second baseman), the Cardinals had rebuilt their draft approach, and for about twenty minutes 2004 seemed to be a nice step forward from 2003 instead of a complete and utter relapse. Instead, its lasting legacy will be two or three righty relievers and a deep-seated, irrational feeling of scorn whenever I see the name “Lambert.” Flying into St. Louis will be tough, from now on, and it’s their fault.

Memphis: You think Carlos Lee is frustrating; Memphis lost their eighth straight yesterday… out of eight. Starter Randy Leek, a 29-year-old lefty who won 15 games in AA last year, gave up just one run in seven innings, but the Redbirds were just as futile against Nats affiliates New Orleans. Reds ex-prospect Brandon Larson turned in the game-winning single against Franklin Perez. Junior Spivey went 0-2 with two walks, and John Gall continued his thrashing of AAA by going 2-4. (He’s now up to .389/.410/.528.)

In Springfield, it’s not time to freak out about Chris Lambert just yet, but… well, vaguely concerned should be good enough. The 2004 first rounder dominated his two stops in the low minors, putting up ERAs of 2.58 and 2.63 in 19 starts. But in his first trip to AA Springfield last year–18 starts worth–he scuffled. His strikeout rate fell only slightly from his Palm Beach stint, to 7.31 per 9, but his walk rate (to 5.08) and home run rate (1.06) almost doubled. Nevertheless, he was expected to adapt, given a second stint there.

So far, he’s been even worse, striking out six and walking eight in his two starts. I’m guessing that he’s worried about the bigger hitters in AA crushing fastballs he could throw by guys in the low minors, and given his home run rate’s jump I’m not sure he isn’t right. Just something to watch, but as it stands now, the 2004 draft looks a little tepid. Past Lambert there’s not a lot to look at, and probably zero potential stars.

But not all’s bad news in AA; Nic Stavinoha, the college hitter from last year’s draft who tore Quad Cities apart in his debut but was old for the low minors, seems to be too much for AA as well. He’s up to .379/.406/.552 in his first seven games. Cody Haerther’s bat finally started up, too–he brought his average up to .214 by going 3-5 with a double and a home run. And if you’re that worried about Izzy, Mark “Nope, Not Related” Worrell continues to nail down games. Another 2004 draft pick, Worrell’s been the closer at every minor league stop he’s been at, and his strikeout rate staying high at AA is a good sign; he’s K’d five batters in his first four innings there, and allowed one run.

Palm Beach was the sign of what could be an absolutely huge game for the minor league system. Blake Hawksworth, top prospect in the system prior to the acquisition of Adam Wainwright, has been injured pretty much constantly ever since, and his comeback at the end of 2005 proved awful; he showed no control and little stuff in short season New Jersey. His first start in Palm Beach this year wasn’t that impressive, either, but he’s finally put up a good game. He went five scoreless yesterday, striking out five and walking two. If he can get into the high minors this year, he could reestablish himself pretty quickly in a system as thin as this one. Palm Beach’s hitters put up seven runs to seal the deal. Mike Ferris went 2-4, bringing his line up to .367/.444/.700. What the heck? He hasn’t gotten off to a good start, or even a decent one, since getting drafted by the Cards, so pretty much nothing is expected of him at this point–but if he continues to hit it’ll be a nice shock after his awful beginnings. Tyler Greene, on the other hand, went 0-4 with four strikeouts.

Finally, in Quad Cities, Colby Rasmus came alive! Our Top Non-Reyes Prospect™, who started the year 2-30, went 4-6 with two doubles and, for good measure, stole a base. Another 2005 pick, 3B Randy Roth, popped two home runs and drove in five. And maybe the second most promising player out of the draft, C Bryan Anderson, went 2-5 with a double. It wasn’t all good news on the 2005 draft front, though; Mark McCormick struck out seven but walked four in his 4 1/3 innings.

Coming Attractions is coming soon–I’ve still got some work to do, but I’ve finally got time to do it. Meanwhile, I’m definitely going to find a way to automate some of it in time for next year.